Ch. 8: “Born Free?”

By admin On December 8th, 2012

.

Click on image credit links below each photo, for licensing names, details, and tags, etc.. Most Images cropped & reduced in size.

.

.

.

 

Okay, so now it was about Friday…or maybe it was Saturday.

.

Anyway it was the eighth day or thereabouts, after discovering just what a deludedThe_Scream Wikipedia public domain by edvard munch c.1893 fool I was, all these years…regarding my atheistic leanings. Now I found myself in some sort of spiritual realm in which unseen beings were orchestrating every moment of my past eight days.

.

And let me tell you! If there’s one thing that’ll squeeze every last drop of Darwinian-Atheism out of you, this’d be it! Yeah, it’s really hard to maintain one’s atheism, when unseen beings are all playing Soccer-Ball with you! And you’re their soccer ball! Or as my dad’s baseball analogy joke, they were, “using me as First-Base!”

.

The Scream of Nature – by E. Munch – Wikipedia – public domain by edvard munch c.1893

.

.

.

.

.

.

And now I had just been released from spending 4 or 5 days in the Kookoo’s nest. Well I’ll try not to call it the “Kookoo’s Nest” anymore. Oh yeah, there were one or two patients who could be classified as “Kookoo” (three, counting me, of course!). But most all the patients were suffering from very dramatic and sad hopelessness, and physical and spiritual difficulties beyond their ability to cope with.

.

So anyway, I was discharged.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

CHAPTER 8:

.

“BORN FREE?”…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

NO STRAIGHT-JACKET OR LOBOTOMY

800px-Straitjacket-rear wikipedia public domain.

As I said, I was discharged from the hospital, because I was doing so well.

.

I had no idea just why all these things were happening! But at least I now had hope! Not to mention having gotten a much-needed rest in the mental ward, Unit 3600!

.

As for why there was now hope, was because this trip to the mental ward turned out to be, not what I thought it was going to be! I actually kind-of had a nice time! Would I have rather not gone there? Oh infinitely! But at least my trip went smoother than it did for the guy in the song, “They’re Coming To Take Me Away”. Remember that old song? (if you can even call it a song!)

.

And at least I cameReviews-lobotomy courtesy Discover magazine Jan-2007 & wikipedia GNU user license out of this experience in better condition than that guy in the movie, “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.” If you’re old enough to remember that really well-done movie, he was given a lobotomy at the end, and ended up as a human vegetable (Little did I know what would be waiting for me in just a couple of days, back up there at Ward 3600!)

.

But all that hope and all that good time I experienced in Ward 3600 was short-lived.

.

Really short-lived!

.

Photo Lobotomy courtesy Discover magazine Jan-2007 & wikipedia GNU user license.

Straight jacket Wikipedia. Public domain.

.

.

.

.

.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clinton_09.jpg?uselang=eo

“BORN FREE”

(Title of the 1966 song)

.

Yeah, my rest and reprieve was coming to an abrupt end!

.

Right now!!!

.

Because as soon as I got in my dad’s car, to take me home, it started all over again! As soon as we were rolhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Born-Free-Poster.jpgling down the street away from the hospital, my dad put in a music cassette into the car stereo. It was the song, “Born Free”, a song from some movie about animals, I think. My dad probably put in the cassette to break up the silence. But as soon as he did, I went into a deep, deep, and very horrible state of mind! And even though I’d heard that innocuous and benign song many times, nevertheless, this time it played differently.

.

Now this song was like it had been ignited by the fires of Hell…

.
.

“Born free, as free as the wind blows… As free as the grass grows… Born free to follow your heart…

.
.

As I have listened, my heart possibly convicted me that I had lived “free” for too Marijuana wikipedia public domainmany years. (And as we drove the short distance to home, I couldn’t tell whether I was on earth, or in some sort of artificial parallel world in Hell!)

.

I did not feel compelled to live by God’s Law. In many ways, I lived like an un-caged wild animal. I smoked pot (a little)! I bought and sold “pep pills” (a lot, but only between friends, and probably never for profit)! I was free from God’s law. “I did my own thing”, as they say. I followed my own heart! And my heart was corrupt: as corrupt as this Bible verse reveals about the condition of the human heart…

.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.” Jeremiah 17:9, 10. 

.

Although I wasn’t aware of this Bible passage at that time, it nevertheless speaks plainly of the condition of the human heart… “Desperately wicked.” And I was no exception!

.
.

(song continues…) “Live free, and beauty surrounds you… The world still astounds you… Each time you look at a star…

.
. 

Normally these breezy and benign lyrics might even have been inspiring to me; and uplifting too! But now, it was like I was being pelted with giant hailstones from Heaven! Something like this verse from Revelation…

.

“And there fell upon men a great hail out of heaven, every stone about the weight of a talent (approx. 100 lbs, each): and men blasphemed God because of the plague of the hail; for the plague thereof was exceeding great!”

.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Boop

I was now being condemned! My godless past was coming back to bite me! These words could have only reminded me, perhaps, of how I lusted after every lady who winked at me! I wasn’t the least bit loyal! Whatever I could monkey wikipedia public domainget away with! With whoever I could get away with! “Monkey Business” was my game!

.
.

(song continues…) “Stay free, where no walls divide you… You’re free as a roaring tide… So there’s no need to hide…

.
.

 That’s right…There was no place to hide! And so this “harmless little song” continued. And as a roaring tide, the Judgment of God was sweeping over me, like a tidal wave! Now there was nowhere to run! It was the day of the Lord’s wrath…at least it was for me!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:MARTIN_John_Great_Day_of_His_Wrath.jpg

.

“…and the rich men… and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains; And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sits on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb: FOR THE GREAT DAY OF HIS WRATH IS COME; AND WHO SHALL BE ABLE TO STAND?” Revelation 6:15-17. 

.

I didn’t know this verse at the time (nor any other Bible verse). But it certainly was appropriate to my fearful situation! Oh no, there were no literal rocks falling. Nevertheless, I did not have The Rock of Ages to hide me. (see Psalm 32:7)

.

Nor could I hide inside the “ragged rocks” of God’s Word, the Bible! I just never bothered to read that Book, nor hide its “Exceeding great and precious promises” in my heart (the “heart” being the “treasure chest” of the mind, and not to be confused with the blood-pumping organ) (see 2nd Peter 1:4 & Isaiah 2:20-22

.

.

(song continues…) “Born free, and life is worth living… But only worth living… Cause you’re born free!”

(Song finally ends, thankfully!)

.

.

My dad still driving, not aware of the terror I was now suffering because of these fearful lyrics. I can’t say for sure just how long after this song, that all this incredible terror lasted; nor even what horrifying events happened after this! But the terror, no doubt continued…

.

Jukebox – Wikimedia – cropped image – Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 Global license

Photos marijuana public domain . click here for link. Wikipedia.

Born Free Poster wikipedia fair-use-rationale, click here for details, rationale, etc…

Photo of foolish monkey 

Betty Boop courtesy Wikipedia. Public Domain

Painting-Great Day of His Wrath by J. Martin-Wikipedia-Public Domain-Click here for link.

.

.

.

.

.

JUDGMENT DAY, THE GIANT TRAP…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:36-pesca,Taccuino_Sanitatis,_Casanatense_4182..jpg

.

This song (Born Free) only seemed to terrorize me!

.

I was born a free-spirit alright! Free from God! Free from His Holy Commandments! This song only taunted or terrorized me! And why not?

.

Yeah, my sins—which, needless to say, were many (as well as my biblical illiteracy) placed me in a very vulnerable situation! Oh, to be tormented under the heat of God’s wrath! And now there was Someone who was mocking me! Now I was like a wild animal, caught in a cage by the hunter. I may have been “born free”. And I may have lived free! But right now I was trapped in an inescapable prison-cell of Judgment: GOD’S JUDGMENT!

.

Just listen to this next verse! It really “nails it”! It really captures what I was going through!

.

Just listen… 

.

“For man also knows not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so are the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falls suddenly upon them.” Ecclesiastes 9:1

.

I would suppose a psychiatrist would call what I was going through, a classic state of psychosis. Nothing is real! It was horrible! Worse! It was HELL!  Hell on Earth! And I was learning that you DON’T need matches, kindling-wood, nor newspapers to ignite the fires of Judgment!

.

No no, the fire on that day burns within your very own soul, down to the depths of Hell…“the breath of the LORD, like a stream of brimstone, doth ignite it.” And only God Almighty can put that fire out!

.

Just listen to this next verse! It really speaks of the Day of Judgment

.

“For Tophet is ordained of old; yea, for the King it is prepared; He hath made it deep and large: the pile thereof is fire and much wood; the breath of the LORD, like a stream of brimstone, doth kindle it.” Isaiah 30:33.

.

Like so much of the Bible, this verse must be speaking metaphorically. In other words, there was no literal fire and no literal wood, at least not in my case. But the fires that I was now in, were just as hot as any literal fire, or so it seemed to me! (Oh yeah, I understand that actual fire & brimstone completely destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah on their final day, creating a deep and wide crater, now filled with water. And you can still find little balls of brimstone on the ground outside of the now water-covered area where Sodom & Gomorrah once was, before they were blasted by God.)

.

Oh, and what does “Tophet” mean, you ask? Well, it was simply a name given to the Valley of Hinnom outside Jerusalem, in which the citizens would sacrifice their children to the god, Baal. Again, this is all metaphorical language, and actually concerns just the kind of torment I was now going through!

.

“As Fish Are Caught In an Evil Net” Casanatense_ Wikipedia public domain

“Birds that are Caught In the Snare” – Wikipedia – Public Domain – 806E9E~1

.

.

.

.

.

NO MORE LAUGHING AT JUDGMENT DAY!

.

Now at this point in time, I didn’t know a single thing about this preceding Bible verse about birds and fish! And up to a couple of weeks earlier, if someone had spoken this passage to me…well…I woulda said …”Birds caught in a snare? Fishes taken in an evil net? RUBBISH! Fodder for those fools: ‘numb-skulls’ called, Christians! Judgment Day? NONSENSE!”

.

Nor did I know about this next verse which is very similar…

.

“For as a snare shall it (Judgment Day) come on all them that dwell on the face of the whole earth.”  Luke 21:35.

.

Not only did I NOT know these verses about these things, but I had altogether stopped believing in the Bible…and in God! Public schooling and my atheistic school-books, friends, teachers and college professors had pretty much wiped away all that “religious rubbish” outa my head! I was now an enlightened individual! A higher order of intellect! A bit above all those superstitious ‘Neanderthals’, who call themselves “Believers”! Balderdash!! FOOLS, EACH AND EVERY ONE!!

.

“But there I was!” (as one popular songster put it). However, this was no Hollywood movie! This was no Steven King novel! This was for REAL! Now I didn’t talk so loud! Now I didn’t “act so proud”, as another songster sang!

.

.

.

.

.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clinton_09.jpg?uselang=eo“WON’T YOU TAKE A RIDE ON THE FLYING SCROLL?”

(Word-play on lyrics from the Creedence song, “Out My Back Door”)

.

Thinking back, I guess this experience I was going through, reminds me of a fiery passage from the Prophet Zechariah concerning Judgment Day…

.

“Then I turned, and lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a flying roll (scroll)…This is the curse that goes forth over the face of the whole earth: for every one that steals shall be cut off as on this side according to it; and every one that swears shall be cut off as on that side according to it…and it shall enter into the house of the thief, and into the house of him that swears falsely by My name: and it shall remain in the midst of his house, and shall consume it with the timber thereof and the stones thereof.” Zechariah 5:1-3.

.

Yes, it seemed that God’s law had come to my house, just like the flying scroll in Zechariah. This law had come to judge me! I was a thief! I was an adulterer! I was a cheat! Heaven’s Judgment had definitely entered my house! This flying scroll had come to visit me! It was now the day of God’s visitation!

.

And there was nowhere to run!

.

And there was certainly no place in which to hide!

.

Jukebox – Wikimedia – cropped image – Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 Global license

Artist’s conception of Zechariah’s Flying Roll courtesy www.breadsite.org Public domain image.

.

.

.

.

.

“THINK & GROW RICH”…GOOD MEDICINE!

.

At some earlier time in my life (a few years before all this trouble began), I remember going to inspect a really great house in a certain town, for sale ($65,000 in 1975 money). It was made completely of rock: a quaint cottage you might encounter in an enchanted forest. Its rock exterior was interspersed with many stones, once hollowed out by Native Americans to be mixing-bowls for their medicines in former centuries. 

.

Well anyway, while taking the tour, the owner told me of a book which would offer me a formula for getting rich: “Think & Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. The power of positive thinking! It inspired me to plan for success. Reading and following that book was like taking pep pills!

.

Well, this book turned out to be really “good medicine”, as far as I was concerned! 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Napoleon_Hill_holding_book_1937.jpg

.

Yeah, I began to apply its principles to my life. And because I had no belief in God, this book gave me something to live for. Because I needed to have some sort of structure over my life (most atheists need something to hold onto. Because the only god you can depend on, is your own self! Thus, atheism can often be a very scary and insecure religion, even though at that time, I would have ardently denied this fact, should anyone have asked me).

.

Napoleon_Hill_holding_book_1937

.

.

.

.

.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clinton_09.jpg?uselang=eoGIVE ME MONEY!…THAT’S WHAT I WANT!”…

(1963 Beatles song)

.

On the other hand, one of the “perks” to being an atheist, is that you have the firm belief…or should I rather say, the firm “confidence”…yes that’s the word: confidence. An atheist has the firm confidence that he or she can get away with something, as long as nobody’s watching. And this confidence allows the atheist certain…uh-hum…freedoms, liberties, or should I rather say, ‘inhibitions’, not afforded to those of a more religious bent.

.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stack_of_money.jpgAnd so, for many years, at any convenient moment, I’d just skim off money from the cash register down at work. At first I took a little. But after a while, it became so easy, I just took several hundred here, and several hundred there. My conscience no longer bothered me about all this. And so, this went on for about five or six years.

800px-Monopoly_board_www.flagstaffotos.com.au--wikipedia GDFL limited License

.

I always had money. I lived quite well. And I socked most of it into real estate. You might say, I was very good at playing ‘Monopoly’. And I controlled the bank too; “several hundred here, and several hundred there”…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pink_Pearl_eraser.jpg

MY FIRST ROBBERY

.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pink_Pearl_eraser.jpgBut stealing from the cash register wasn’t my first gig in the world of crime.

.

You see, many years previous, when I was about 4 or 5, I still vividly recall walking into Clark’s Market, a small convenience store on the corner of 25th & State streets in Salem, back in the 1950’s. For some unknown reason, I decided to steal a small 5-cent pencil eraser.

.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pink_Pearl_eraser.jpg

But upon leaving the store, I ran smack-dab into Mr. Clark, standing there on the sidewalk. I nervously asked, “Is something wrong?”, to which he replied, “No, what’s the matter? Do you have a guilty conscience?” I answered, “No”, and continued on my way down the sidewalk, back home.

.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pink_Pearl_eraser.jpg

Well, after this encounter, I would lie in bed for a number of nights, overwhelmed with guilt because of my very first theft. 

.

But this experience cured me of ever wanting to steal again, for years after.

.

Pink Pearl eraser – edited image – Wikimedia – Public Domain

.

.

.

.

.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clinton_09.jpg?uselang=eo

“FIVE YEAR PLANS AND NEW DEALS”…

(Lyrics from Creedence song, “Who’ll Stop The Rain?”)

.

But years past by and I grew older. And even though I was very liberal with myself, I was also became somewhat of a good investor. You see, I had this five-year-plan. I was going to make enough money to retire at forty…(OK, a ten-year plan!) And when I retired, I wanted to have a yacht to sail away into the sunset.

.

Now, I didn’t want to think about death. No atheist does! So I simply squinted my eyes, took another swig of something, and envisioned me and my yacht and a good-looking babe or two, sailing off into the sunset! And as for death—well, I would cross that bridge later…hopefully much, much, later! (Oh yes, whenever I felt some reoccurring pain somewhere in body, I couldn’t shake the thought that maybe I had cancer or something. But a drink or two was usually enough to quell those fears for the night).

The Real Accusing Finger -www.signsofheaven.org-copyright 2011.

But now my bubble was burst! Now my atheist armor had a great big defect in it. I was (it seemed) just like that atheist in that comedy album. You know—the atheist who died and was standing before God Almighty.

.

And now I was that clown-in-shock on the album jacket. (These remarks refer to the comedy album, “Comedy Is Not Pretty“ )

.
.
.
.
.
.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clinton_09.jpg?uselang=eo“…WRAPPED IN GOLDEN CHAINS…”

(Lyrics from Creedence song, “Who’ll Stop The Rain?”)

.

So I went to my bank and withdrew all the money in an account (most of my money was invested in real estate). The lady gave me 20 thousand dollars. (Remember, this was 1979 money. $20,000 would be like—I don’t know—maybe $60,000 or $80,000 in today’s money. Let’s put it this way, I bought one 1,800 sq. ft. house for $25,000, which would cost maybe $150,000 or more, today.)

.

Anyway, I had the teller put it in the form of a cashier’s check. I took the check and put it into an envelope, and addressed it to the IRS in Ogden Utah. I then took it out to the big mail-box in front of the restaurant. I figured that was enough money to get me right with Uncle Sam.

.

I must admit, this was not exactly normal behavior. But just imagine when Judgment Day does finally come on the entire world! Just think of all the people who will try to do the same thing!

.

I must have told my brother or mother, because I much later found out that they called the local post office, and got the mail man to come out and retrieve this check.

.

Which reminds me, if you didn’t listen to that song yet (“Sinnerman”), just click the following link to my other web-sight (But be sure to come back here after the song… Click here (“Sinnerman, where ya gonna run to?”))

.

Jukebox – Wikimedia – cropped image – Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 Global license

.

.

.

.

.

“SINNERMAN, YA PAID TOO LATE!”

.

I also was overwhelmed with the guilt that I had mercilessly overcharged the very nice owner/bartender of the Stockman’s Social Club, for my services as keyboard player/singer.

.

And since I was in sheer terror about my present circumstances, I was desperately determined to make everything right!

.

And so, I went down to his club (which had not yet opened at this hour of the morning) and slipped an envelope containing $500.00 under the entrance door ($500.00 in 1979 is about $1,500-$2,000 in 2020).

.

Sure hope that $500.00 found its way to the owner!

.

.

.

.

.

Judgment Day license plate www.devouringfire.com

.

To go to the next chapter, just click here …

.

Ch. 9: “The Last Passover” 

.

This chapter tells of the last night of Planet Earth’s existence, and the “sanctuary safe-house” we need to be in at that moment!

.

 

Leave a Reply