Ch. 3: Oh Sinnerman! Where Ya Gonna Run To?

By admin On December 8th, 2012

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So it had been a few hours after I was no longer an atheist. And a few hours after discovering that The_Scream Wikipedia public domain by edvard munch c.1893Christians don’t just “check their brains in at the door” about their “belief system”! At last, I now knew why all those Christians looked so happy on Sunday afternoon, as I cut them a slice of beef (at our family restaurant). No, it wasn’t the beef they were smiling about (especially considering those thin slices I cut for them!)

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It was that they had just been with Jesus! In church!

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Now I was let in on the big secret of why Christians are so “fanatical” about their religion! Just a few hours ago, I had been violently thrust into the biggest and best kept secret in town…that it wasn’t just some cocklemamy lunacy that Christians were deluded into believing! Nor was it some mesmerism or mental illness, produced by their overwhelming desire to find an escape from this doomed-existence…from a hopeless and bickering and dying world! It was for real!! Christianity was for real!!!

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CH. 3: “OH SINNERMAN!…

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WHERE YA GONNA RUN TO?” 

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“FORTUNATE SON”

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And now I was one of the lucky ones who had been let in on this End-Game-Exodus! Now I was one of the fortunate few who were to escape from this Doomed Planet! I didn’t know how. Nor did I know just why me. After all, I was NOT exactly your typical Choir-boy type of individual. I was probably just the mirror-opposite of that! A Bad Boy!

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But for whatever reason…I was now among the redeemed. “Hallelujah! Amen and Amen”!

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:MI_AND_L'AU_-_GOOD_MORNING_JOKERS_-_2009.jpg

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And now…just now, it was my mission to get my hands on this mysterious tea…Ginseng. The Doom-saying Comedian-Prophet had spoken! The world was doomed! Its days were numbered! The fortunate few were going to be taken away! And for whatever reason, I and many others were to smoke this ancient Oriental herb! God only knows for what reason! But whatever that reason was, I had to get some…ASAP!

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MI AND L’AU – GOOD MORNING JOKERS – 2009 By Mathieu Linotte share-alike license wikimedia

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8 AM, THE NEXT MORNING…

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BUYING GINSENG…

As you can well imagine, the first thing I did the next morning, was to go down to the health http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Korean_ginseng-Hongsam-01.jpgfood store, to buy this stuff called Ginseng!

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While paying for it, I leaned forward, to confidentially ask the clerk (in a secretive, but knowing tone), “I’ll bet you’re selling a lot of this stuff lately!”, to which she replied, “Oh yes…a lot!” It was just as I suspected!

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After this, I went down to the family business where I worked: a buffet restaurant. My mother and brother were both there, and it didn’t take long for them to figure out that something was really wrong! I can’t remember what I spoke to them about. Probably about the end of the world for those who are not ready. Well I certainly got their attention!

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Korean ginseng Hongsam wikimedia creative commons license

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“SMILING FACES, SMILING FACES”…

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Somehow they talked me into leaving my car at the restaurant, and to get a ride home with my brother’s girlfriend.

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Anyway, I knew she belonged to a Christian church, so I just figured that she was one of the “saved ones”. I was in a kind-of, oh…I guess I would call it…a state of melancholy combined with euphoria. I had resigned myself to accept the “end of the world”, thus putting me into this peaceful/bittersweet/melancholy kind of stoicism. We’ll just call it a “Rapturous Euphoria”.

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Anyway, I figured that this young Christian lady must also be going through the necessary preparation for whatever was going to happen to the “saved ones”. Not only her, but many other fortunate ones around town, and around the world!

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While she was driving me home, I noticed a few people smiling as they walked along the sidewalk.  I asked her if she noticed people smiling more and more lately. Shttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:China_Ginseng_(24469026).jpghe agreed with me that, “Yeah, I’ve noticed that too… people are smiling more lately”. 

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“Yep”, I thought, “She knows all about what’s happening!”

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China Ginseng creative commons license wikimedia

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UNSAVED FAMILY

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Now my brother and mother and dad were another story! As a matter of fact, none of us were church-goers. No, the bars were our church! And this caused me tremendous sorrow at this moment; to think that they were going to miss out on this incredible opportunity! “Oh that they would only smoke the Ginseng! Oh that they would only become saved!” 

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“A MIDNIGHT TOKER”…

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Now, the same afternoon, I had to go into work. And, in spite of my very odd behavior, the restaurant had to remain open. And so, I somehow made it back to work. I just can’t recall this detail.

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Nevertheless, I worked through the night.

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But late that night, after the restaurant closed, I finally locked the front doors, and went to the office. I rolled the Ginseng carefully.

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Just what would happen when I smoked this Ginseng? Would I be transported to some heavenly realm? Would I become a different person? Maybe like an angel? What would come of all this? I didn’t know. But one thing was for sure. I was going to find out! So I took the joint…put it carefully to my mouth. I lit a match. Carefully lit the joint. I took a great big drag….

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DABBLED WITH DRUGS

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800px-Joint wikipedia public domain

Now, I had smoked Marijuana enough times in my past, to know what good Marijuana was. And I knew what bad Marijuana was. A couple of times I had taken some synthetic Mescaline (Peyote). And one time, some “well-meaning” friends had put something in my wine, like Mescaline. (maybe I’ll tell about that ”bad trip” a little later.)

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But I didn’t really enjoy drugs, because I always got afraid that I would never “come down”. And so, I just dabbled in them.

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ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW

The Real Accusing Finger -www.signsofheaven.org-copyright 2011

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But now I was in a situation far beyond anything I had ever encountered! Now I was an atheist who just found out there was a God! Now I was about to walk into (or rather, be thrust into) something incomprehensible! Beyond space and time, as they say on TV! But this wasn’t TV! No, this was for real! This was the end of all things as we know it! This was the door to Heaven itself! And I was about to enter in! Yes indeed! By smoking the Ginseng, I would be one of the “fortunate ones”!

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Nevertheless, it was sad to think that my family and friends might miss this opportunity. I did have one good friend, however, who was a pretty serious Catholic. So he was probably doing this same thing, wherever he was…smoking the Ginseng.

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So as I said, I took a big drag… and held it in as long as I could…and then I exhaled…

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Now really good Marijuana would often give a person a big rushing sensation upon the first drag. But the sensation I got from this Ginseng, was more like getting hit over the head with a rubber mallet!  I was stunned! I felt like that clown picture on the comedy album I had listened to the previous night. Shocked! Surprised! Something wasn’t right! Everything in the room looked different!

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THE JOKE’S ON ME!…

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I looked on the office desk, as if I hadn’t even noticed the desk before. I saw a hand-written note lying on the desk. I picked it up. It said“Sorry I missed you this afternoon, and sorry the others can’t come. See you in a few days, when we can spend time together….love…..”

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The note was obviously written to my brother from his girlfriend (that Christian who gave me the ride, earlier in the day!). She said she would see him soon! Since she was one of the “insiders”, then it was obvious! This note to tell my brother that he was going to be in some sort of paradise…with her…the Christian? The overwhelming realization burst out upon me, that THE JOKE…..WAS ON ME!!!

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I probably read it once again… “Sorry I missed you this afternoon, and sorry the others can’t come. See you in a few days, when we can spend time together….love…..”

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THE JOKE’S ON ME!!!…

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“Oh no!” I realized that it wasn’t me that was going to be saved! It was my brother! I was fooled! The tables were turned, as they say! The Ginseng wasn’t to save me! IT WAS TO DAMN ME! AND MAYBE COUNTLESS OTHERS TOO! THIS WAS SOME SORT OF SATANIC JOKE OR SOMETHING!! The devils were probably rolling on the floor laughing, over this one!

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That clown picture was me! The comedian in the pink suit was…my brother! This was a big turn-about I didn’t expect. I was the butt-end of a cruel joke! AND THE JOKE’S ON ME!!!  AND RIGHT NOW COMEDY WAS NOT PRETTY!! RIGHT NOW, COMEDY WAS PRETTY CRUEL! CRUEL…BEYOND BELIEF!!!!!

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I could see in my mind that hideous-looking comedian on the front-cover of that album, (dressed like a woman). Mocking me! Saying something like, “Too bad you poor schmuck! Too bad your NOT gonna be saved! Too bad it’s your Judgment day! Too bad you’re the one going to Hell!”

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APOCALYPSE NOW…

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I could imagine that clown! That clown was me! This whole experience I was going through, was more unbelievable than any horror movie! This wasn’t just a bad drug experience that would eventually wear off! THIS WAS JUDGMENT DAY! MY JUDGMENT DAY!! (Although I didn’t know about Bible prophecy, I had, however, heard of Judgment Day.)

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A CHILDHOOD MEMORY…

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As a matter of fact, I remember long, long ago, as a number of kids were talking together, one warm summer evening on the school-grounds, as we finished up our day of playing. Yeah, I still have a faint image of that scene. I distinctly remember that one of the kids was telling the rest of us about some lady who had seen a vision of Judgment Day.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Global_warning%5E_-_geograph.org.uk_-_1719373.jpg

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And so, after hearing that, I would lay in bed at night, thinking about Judgment Day. And in my childish mind, I envisioned all the people in the neighborhood lined up on our grade-school-grounds (just across the street from our home, back then), waiting to be judged by God!

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But that was a long time ago. And as I said, my 15 years of public schooling and college had pretty much wiped away any traces of such Bible “nonsense/superstition”!

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And now I was an adult. Now I knew all that Heaven/Hell stuff was a bunch of hogwash… a mere product of man’s imagination…to frighten people into being good! To explain the unexplainable! I was groomed from childhood to believe in Darwin’s evolution!

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But now I was face-to-face with eternal judgment! Now I had just come to the realization that I had been duped! All that atheism business was just a whole lot of nonsense! It was the scam-of-all-scams!

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But now it was too late! Too late for me! Now I realized I wasn’t on the highway to Heaven! I was on the Highway to HELL!!! 

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christ coming by Julian Osley wikimedia share alike license

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“LEFT BEHIND?”… 

Louis Janmot wikimedia US public domain

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Another terrifying thought came to me... ”Has my brother been already taken?” I thought.“And mom and dad too?…Are they gone from earth?” Maybe they were taken, too! I had to find out. Maybe this was the night that all the saved people would be taken away! (I’m not sure if I knew the term “Rapture” at this point in my life. I’m not even sure that I knew the concept of a Rapture. It just might be, that the spirit being was putting these thoughts in my head. I just can’t recall at this point. I know that the book, the “Late Great Planet Earth” was very popular. But I never read it!)

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Louis Janmot wikimedia US public domain

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“WERE THEY TAKEN?”http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Teachings_of_Jesus_38_of_40._the_rapture._one_in_the_field._Jan_Luyken_etching._Bowyer_Bible.gif

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I rushed out of the restaurant, got into my car and raced home! When I arrived, I first went to see if my parents were there. Maybe they had also been taken! Maybe I would find their lifeless bodies! Or maybe I’ll find just their clothes that they were wearing, simply left behind! The house that I lived in was a very recent joint-venture between my parents, my brother and myself. My parents also had a house on Upper Klamath Lake, about 30 miles away. So they stayed in this house when they didn’t want to drive up to the lake.

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I rushed into the house. I went straight to their room. I saw that my parents weren’t there. And it looked like they hadn’t even been there. “They probably stayed up at the lake tonight!”, I thought.

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Second Coming – Return – Resurrection Morning – Jan Luyken – Bible – Wikipedia – US Public Domain (2)

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“BETTER WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF, CHUCK”…

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So after seeing my parents hadn’t been there, I then rushed down the stairs to my brother’s room. I looked in, only to see his lifeless body lying there!

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I shook him to see if he was still alive. He didn’t move! “Oh no!”, I thought, “He’s gone…or dead…or whatever!” I shook him again really hard and long. He finally woke up, and asked “What’s the matter?” I answered, “I was worried about you!” to which he replied, “You better just worry about yourself, Chuck.” He then rolled back into his previous posture, and pulled his pillow over his head.

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And so I turned from his room, thinking about his comment, “You better just worry about yourself.” And as I walked away from his room, I thought to myself, “Sounds like my brother knows that I’m in trouble with God.”

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COMEDY IS NOT PRETTY, REVISITED

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After this episode, I went to the stereo to listen again to comedy album. This time it was even more terrifying than the previous night!

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CRUEL SHOES

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As I listened once again, the comedy routines became extremely condemning. Especially this one called “Cruel Shoes”. This is a routine about trying on new shoes at a shoe store. The salesman only has one pair of shoes left in the store, the Cruel Shoes. These shoes are Italian cuts. But also they have razor blades, and other impossible angles and turns making them excruciatingly painful to wear! But in spite of this, the customer said, “I’ll take em!”. And so the customer walked (or rather, crawled) out of the store, with this new pair of “Cruel Shoes”. And this routine ends with another customer coming in, and asking the shoe salesman for a pair of shoes. The salesman says, in a very mysterious tone, “I only have one pair left…the CRUEL SHOES!”.

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Listening to this was just as excruciating as those Cruel Shoes must have felt! As a matter of fact, I was convinced that the Cruel Shoes symbolized Judgment Day. My Judgment Day! Maybe everybody’s Judgment Day!!

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“HOW TO NOT PAY YOUR INCOME TAXES !”

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There was an especially painful “comedy” bit about not “How To Become A Millionaire, Without Paying Any Income Taxes”. “It’s very simple! Just don’t pay them”, said the comedian. He then continued, “And if the IRS asks you why you didn’t pay them, you just simply reply (very boldly), ‘I FORGOT’!”. Now this was very very painful for me. After all, I had “pocketed” maybe twenty to forty thousand dollars over the past few years from our cash register. And now listening to this comedy album was like standing before the Judgment Thronehttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stack_of_money.jpg of God Almighty! I was caught! I was caught red-handed by God with my “fingers in the till”! The comedian continues, “And if the IRS tells you that it’s against the law to not pay your taxes, you simply say to them…’WELL, EXCU-U-U-SE ME!!!”

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Now, this line, “WELL EXCUSE ME!!!” was this comedians signature line. And after the comedian said this, the audience was hysterical with laughter. And on any previous night I would’ve been hysterically laughing right along with them. But I wasn’t laughing now! I was terrified beyond words! I was caught with my “hand in the cookie jar”! Heaven had been watching me, and I didn’t even know it!

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And there were other condemning cuts on that comedy album, too!

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Stack of money wikimedia public domain

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DIDN’T KNOW I WAS BEING WATCHED!!

The Real Accusing Finger -www.signsofheaven.org-copyright 2011

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So after listening to this album again, I knew I was in serious trouble with God. Especially the story of the atheist who dies, and finds himself standing before God. This was me! This was just like my own personal situation. “Oh no!” I had been embezzling money from the restaurant!  Never knew I was being watched as I did this! But now I knew that there was a God! And He saw me doing a whole lot of bad stuff, over my lifetime! And now it seemed like God’s giant accusing finger was pointing directly down at me!

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SINNERMAN…WHERE YA GONNA RUN TO?

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I also thought of how I sometimes gave people a bad time; making fun of “funny looking” people! I was a great mocker. I thought of how I even, once or twice, made fun of crippled people (as I’ve already said). And often made fun of people who were “different” in some way. I wasn’t exactly a compassionate person, as a young man. Just stupid, quite often!

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And what about the “pep pills” I used to buy and trade with friends?

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And I thought of how I would beat people down on real estate prices. I even beat down a few church ministers on their home prices. And what about the matter of adultery? “Oh no! I’m in big trouble!”The_Scream Wikipedia public domain by edvard munch c.1893

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And now I realized that my sinful past was coming back to haunt me. To judge me. Words can’t describe just how horrible it was to be standing before a Holy and just God!

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It was like that old song. You know. “Oh sinnerman, where ya gonna run to…all on that day” Well if you don’t remember, just click here to listen…”Sinnerman“

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WHY DID THEY DO IT IN THE ROAD?

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On this very night, I can’t remember if I saw any similarity between what I was going through and whaCharles-mansonbookingphoto charles manson wikipedia public domaint the Manson family went through, years earlier, as they began getting messages from that infamous “Beatle White Album”. Are you old enough to remember that? The Mansons (followers of Charles Manson) began receiving instructions from the various songs on that Beatle album, as if those songs were specially written for them.  Such as Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?” They interpreted this song to mean that they were supposed to murder someone in “the middle of the road”! Those messages eventually inspired them to commit perhaps the most bizarre and satanic murders ever committed. This tiny cult, led by that very satanic cult-leader were literally dripping in satanism. They put crosses or something in the middle of their forehead. Manson enjoyed being scary-looking and scary-behaving. The whole Manson episode and trial following was entirely cryptic and crazy.

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I don’t think I even thought about the similarity between them and what I was going through, at this point. I know that I saw the similarity at some later point in time. I’m convinced the Manson family members were being led by spirit powers, even though at the time they they were in the news, I didn’t believe in spirit powers.

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But whether or not it was clear to me at this moment, I nevertheless was going through something very similar. Obviously, it’s a repugnant idea to have any association with Charles Manson’s hideous crimes. But in the interest of truth, the comparison must be made. Fortunately, by the grace of God, I was never involved in any violence. And I pray that they might also find Jesus before they die.

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SLEEPLESS IN SHEOL…

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The rest of the night went…uh… very badly as you might well imagine. The entire focus now changed. No more was I thinking about smoking Ginseng. Smoking Ginseng and becoming “saved” now gave way to the realization that I was in big trouble with God. My life of sin was now being judged…and I was guilty, guilty, guilty!!!

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“WELCOME TO HELL”…

760px-J_G_Trautmann_Das_brennende_Troja-dantes infern wikipedia-public domain

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This spirit became very accusing. At one point, it convicted me that I must die. God didn’t want me around anymore. The spirit also began to paint a terrible and frightening picture of Hell. I was given a very terrifying image of what Hell would be like. I don’t know exactly how long this condemnation went on. But for most of the night, I guess. It finally crescendo-ed to the point where I decided that I must die…even though I would have to go to Hell!

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I began to imagine Hell and how horrible it must be! What made Hell so terrifying was that it never ended! It just went on and on and on and on…FOREVER!!!

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These thoughts were frightening beyond belief!

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“DEATH SHALL FLEE FROM THEM”…

Revelation 9:6 

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It was now dawn. I’d been up all night. But now the spirit directed me to lay down. An so, I got on my bed and just lay there. Now what in God’s name did he want me to do!?!

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I felt my arms slowly raise up as if the unseen being was in control. They then went down onto the bed, stretched out, as if I was hanging on a cross position (while still laying on my bed). OK, so hanging on a cross wasn’t so bad. Jesus did that! But then my arms both raised until they were folded on top of each other over my chest. As I thought about this, I realized that I was in the same position as a corpse in a coffin! NOT GOOD! And as I lay in this position, I felt my heart begin to beat stronger and stronger!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Jan_van_Eyck_Diptych_Crucifixion_Right_Detail_1.jpg

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This went on for some time. It got to the point that I thought my heart was going to explode! But I finally decided that was OK. “Just get it over with!”, I thought to myself.

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But as I laid there, I was very aware that I was probably going to Hell. There was no escape from my destiny. I was going to Hell, probably in a few moments.

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Pounding and more pounding. Closer to death. Closer to Hell!

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Finally it got to the point that I urinated in my clothes and on my bed. I thought, “Well that’s natural for someone who’s dying”.

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“PROPHECY FULFILLED”...

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After this, to my utter disappointment, my heart began to pound less and less. After a few https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Book_of_Revelation_Chapter_9-1_%28Bible_Illustrations_by_Sweet_Media%29.jpgmoments it returned to normal. I finally realized that death was not going to happen. At least, not for now. I really wanted to die. But the Grim Reaper had just left the room. (“And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.” Revelation 9:6). But this would not be my last attempt. This was just playschool, compared to what lay ahead for me!

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As I lay there in my disappointment, I heard somebody coming through the front door of the house…Who could it be? Who?…

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Above Painting : Hell Jan_van_Eyck_Diptych_Crucifixion_Right_Detail_1-wikipedia-US-public-domain.jpg

Judgment Day – People fleeing – Book of Revelation – Wikimedia – Creative Commons – Distant Shores Media/Sweet Publishing – Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

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.Judgment Day license plate www.devouringfire.com

To go to the next chapter, just click here …

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Ch. 4 They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha!…

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The 3rd day of my troubles.

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